random thoughts march 31st 2009

I read an interesting short story today about a man who falls in love with a woman, but then the woman get beaten, by her boyfriends while he takes her picture and posts it on the web. The story ends with the man finding a picture of her amputated, suggesting that the boyfriends had taken it one step further each day and now is cutting off lims.. not sure i spelt that right. This story is called "More Tomorrow" written by the author Michael Marshall Smith, who is a british writer who writes short stories about suffering, and does a good job at it. I also read part 5 of "The Watchmen" graphic novel. I bought it after watching the movie, and I must say the novel is better than the movie.. but common you already knew that. 

So now I sit in a cubical in the library again.. the words "How's it going to end?" are written in large letters in pencil on the desk here. I plan to reply to this message with "It never will end, because each moment is a constant in the tenth dimension." It is a refference to the ten dimensional theory of theoretical physics, a theory that I have a great deal of interest and trust in, so it is only fitting that I use it to reply to a random message on a desk.

My throat isn't as sore today.. that is good.. it is more itchy than sore, quite an interesting feeling. The library is a bit more quiet than usual today.. it is nice. I have today and today only to finish a whole unit in calculus, oh boy what a chore.. I don't feel like working. Over the last few weeks my work ethic seems to be deteriorating, I don't have the drive that I had in January, and i just don't know why. There really is no reason, my grades are above average.. way above average. My social life is.. hardly in existance but fine, and lost is on tomorrow. What could possibly be affecting my work ethic, my drive for perfection that I need to succeed. Maybe my father was right for once, maybe I "over did it" Maybe I have just crammed so much material into my head for the last couple of months that there is just no room left. Guess I haveto make some room. One more unit that is all I need to do until April 15th. 

I didn't wear a coat today. In fact I basically changed my entire appearance today. I didn't wear a coat, I am wearing jeans with a dress shirt, and I finally got a chance to wear my lucky New York hat.. this can only mean one thing.. spring is actually here! woots! really hope it stays this way. In the short story discussed earlier, the main character explains about how much he hates summer, and I haveto say I do actually agree to the points he makes. Like when you go out you are always expected to have a good time, and for some reason you always get the smae question asked to you, "Isn't it beautiful out?" he responds in the story with "No it fucking isn't" and I applaud him for that. 

anyways I will start to work now. so have a good one  

random thoughts march 30th 2009

Library is exceedingly busy today. More ambient noises than usual. I was lucky to even get a booth to work in. The first time I entered the library, there were too many people waiting for an elevator. I get clostrophobic so I walked up 5 stories. When I actually got to the fifth floor, there were no cubicals available to work in so I walked down 5 stories and entered the science complex(My favourite builing aside from the physics building which holds the beloved particle accelerator in the basement). There were no places to sit here either so I decided to make the dumb(at the time) decision of getting on the "University/Kortright" bus, believing in my mind that eventually the bus would go downtown. About 30 minutes later and I am back in the same location that I started in. So I got out of the bus and this time took the elevator up to the fifth floor. It was crouded and clostrophobic, but I was ok because I was surrounded by all women. Worst case senario here is that I get trapped in an elevator with a group of beautiful women for a span of time in which it takes the people to rescue us. Worst case senario from that worst case senario is that I die in a cramped space with a group of beautiful women.. I am fine with this end to my pitiful life. Luckily that was not the case. So in the time at which it had taken me to take the pointless bus ride, it had made the bus ride seem a little less pointless since there was now a cubical open for me in which here I sit writing. It is a pretty dirty cubical.. crums of some random food all over the place. I really do not understand why people are so dirty. You wuld think that university students would be more of the clean part of society, then again maybe they offer some sort of waste managemant course here.

I feal tired today.. I got an approximation of almost 11 hours of sleep last night.. shouldn't I be wide awake? felt terrible until I got to the university, maybe this place has become an addiction for me. It is entirely possible because whenever I am not here I feel kind of.. depressed. Its very odd indeed, I never feel quite comfortable in any other place other than a cubical in the library, maybe because it is enclosed, I am alone with my thoughts. Everyone here minds there own business, there are no interuptions. I am just at peice in this place. At home, I have my parents there, and though my parents brought me to this earth, they can be just be a complete irritant. Father comes into my room. Asks me these questions that are so incredibly pointless to ask. You know those questions where you give the same answer each time and even if the truth differs fromt the usual answer you just lie because you know more questions will follow that you do not want to answer.

I like being alone. Most people would get lonely, and love to go and see there family and friends. I like to visit friends on occasion but I wouldn't even mind if I just had an apartment and lived on my own for the rest of my life. People are just too much to deal with when they live with you. This is why I don't like to have people over to my house. There is no escape. If I go to a friends house and I feel uncomfortable or whatever I can easily just go home. But if they are in my house, I hate asking people to leave, and even if I do ask them, who is to say that they will want to? This is why a cubical in a library is a place that I feel the most secure and the most comfortable, because there are no people, no distraction, just me, my thoughts, and a ton of books surrounding me, along with my laptop in which I can use if I want to talk to someone. 

Today is a cold day. It feels like fall when I should be spring whether. This is another contributor to the way I felt when I got up this morning. Gah, the ambient noises again, a valcro napsac, a candy wrapper, all these sound waves being generates and reaching my ears(always gotta get the physics reference in). Sometimes I wonder if anyone will ever read this blog, what will they think? Am I some whiny 18 year old? probably. It is likely that someone will eventually google my name and find my blog.

The woman that sits behind me, I am not sure if she is good looking or not. She wears a brown shirt and all I have seen is the back of her head. I accidently touched her bag with the back of my foot when I came to my cubical. I hate it when other people accidently touch my stuff, so I felt bad about it even though she is probably not as strange like that as I am. She types fast like me, maybe I can challenge her to a typing contest. There are coffee stains all over my desk, how dumb do you haveto be to spill coffee everywhere and then not even wipe it off. Am I the only one that is conscious about these things? she is now clicking rapidly. Maybe fixing a mistake in whatever she is typing. The sun peaks through the clouds and brightens up the room. And now it is gone again. I hear a zipper from behind me. She is leaving, well now we know what the clicking was all about. Some people take like 10 minutes to pack up there things. It's like when they come into the library they go ahead and set up camp. This girl didn't take too long. 

It's 4:19PM now. I feel like I should get to work on chemistry but another part of me wants to just keep typing. I guess it is relaxing for me to type out my thoughts. I watched "The love Guru" with mike myers this morning. That was a disaster of a movie. I am not sure how a movie like that even gets into theatres. I guess the only reason that it made any money was because they had jessica alba starring in it... thats about it though. I tought myself to play the prologue to "in bruges" yesterday. This is probably the best peice of piano music I ever heard and now I can almost play it perfectly. Talia told me that I am probably better at piano than I think I am. Maybe she was write. Maybe that wouldn't be too bad an idea fro a movie script. Just a movie about a guy writing a blog.. that wasn't thought out well. Maybe I will press backspace and delete the previous sentence. Now isn't that interesting, If I delete the last sentence than no one will know what was written other than me.. this is like some sort of paradox. Thats a cool name "paradox" I want to name a kid that. I think anything with an x is a pretty cool name.

maybe i'll stay here till like 2AM today. Then again house is on. And big bang theory. Cannot miss those shows. Two women start to talk near me. Isn't that irritating. There is a reason for the sign that reads "Quiet study area." Than again technically I am not abiding my the sign either since I am not studying. I will now write what they say: "like if you want to do that... quite whisper quite whisper quite whisper.. annoying whisper annoying whisper annoying whisper... she's like ok.. click click click..." Hot blonde comes and sits behind me now.. aren't I lucky.. not really, what am I going to do? talk to this woman? right why don't we wait about 300 trillian years and then see. 

Anyways I am out for now.. too much to do

random thoughts march 25th 2009

Today, I watch the movie "88 minutes." it was good.. but the director has some issues when it comes to.. well directing. The script was well thought out and planned the the director really dropped the ball on the exicution and the acting in the movie was poor.. but really what do you expect from a movie like this. I then got on a bus and went downtown.. the bus changed its route so now I haveto stand there at the bus stop like an idiot for even longer.. I have no justification for calling myself an idiot there it just seemed odly appropriate. The library is more crouded and lour today.. dont really know why.. maybe I'm just more irritated by the people here today. I have a lecture to go to tonight with a certain meetup group called "The Grand River Athiests" I tell my parents that it is a skeptic group because they seem to frown on athiests but seem ok with skeptics even though a skeptic and an athiest are pretty close to being the same types of people. How a skeptic can be a true believer I have no clue, but whatever. I ate wendy's today.. because that is all downtown has left for food, unless ofcourse you are looking to spend 15 dollars for lunch, and in my financhial position right now that wouldn't be the best choice. Person in the cubical beside me is still rusiling around.. dont know how to spell rusiling but just sound it out and you should know what i mean. Jeez how can someone make so much noise in a library.. go jack off some place else!! Guy to my left is writing a paper on god knows what.. maybe he should just make sure that his screen is exposed even more so i can read the damn thing. Guy comes and sits behind me.. I can see the reflection of him in my laptop's screen and he is clearly trying to make out everything that I am typing.. could job mr. subtle.. almost forgot how to spell subtle.. I think I am losing my mind.. then again I always think that I am losing my mind.. maybe I already have lost my mind, see because you can never know if you've lost your mind since your mind is what makes you think that you have lost your mind and if you actually lost your mind your mind wouldnt know which means you wouldnt know. I find people in University tend to stair at eachother a lot.. get your eyes off of me freak I am not even good-looking. I stair at some women only because they are exceedingly gorgeous, then when they finally look at me I try and find a way to make it look like it was fate that our eyes, met since I had only been glancing for a second. How do I pull this off? once we make eye contacts I immediately look at another person who is less good looking than her. This puts it in her mind that all I am doing is glancing at random people in the room. That I was not stairing at her but it just may mean something that our eyes have met. Then again when it happens over and over she gets creeped out and leaves.. I am too afraid to actually talk to these people. Anyways I better get to work on more important things so chow

random thoughts march 24 2009

sitting in a new location in the library today.. can't seem ti find an outlet for my laptop. i sit here eating cold pizza and drinking coke for lunch. I look over and see a book that reads "Technicolor on the too many people have spine. What could this book possibly be about? is it a physics book about the vidual spectrum? or possibly a book about the art of color. whatever it is, i am way too busy with food to go pick that book up. There are way too many mushrooms on this piece of pizza, and i am not talking about the drug mushrooms. justv those ones that taste.. kinda good but alsp kinda.. not good. one book i will go pick up in a few minutes is "intdroduction to theoretical physics" a marvelis book indeed. guy with glasses walks by.. nice leather jacket.. wouldn't mind having one of those when i cruise by the clubs in the t.o on my birthday. girl in yellow jacket enters, she is good looking and speaking of looking looks confused as to wgere she is going. i love it when two people enter and they both dont know where to go.. that just happened. Too many people have ipods nowadays. what ever happened to paying attention to your surroundings. These people could get jumped and they would care less because they have there nice toons playing in there ears. Back in the day it was walkman's. At least then you had to switch the tape or CD, now you have like 10K songs and you just play them in a random order. Really though I love my ipod so its not like im complaining. I am just merely making observations of what I see. Like a woman sitting on the floor in a library picking at her fingers, at least find a chair for christ sake. I want to take a few minutes and just find an outlet but i cant stop thinking about how stupid that would make me look. I am in this library every day and i cant find a freaking outlet to plug a laptop into. How sad. It is beautiful outside today. The light shines of the buildings of the university in a way that is indescribably beautiful.. yes I know I find beauty in the most mundain of things.. buts its there and I see it. Personally brunettes are much hotter than blondes.. why do blondes then get all the attention? guess other people have different tastes. I dont care what you say, blondes are less intelligent than brunettes aswell, accept for the really ugly ones but common if your ugly you have nothing left but intelligence, son i guess not all blondes are dumb but the hot ones are which is a shame indeed. I find that ugly, and lesbian women tend to be the majority of feminists. I have nothing against standing up for equal rights to all sex's but common stop it with this policeman bullshit. Does anyone really care what you call a cop or a fireMAN? If we are going to get that specific, let me make the areguement that we must change the name of the ladybug because i am a masculist now. ok jk jk. so therefore I conclude my thoughts for today because I haveto get to work on some things that are actually important now.

Bus analysis March 23, 2009

Sitting on a bus that will be heading up Gordon street toward the University of Guelph. As I sit waiting for the bus to depart downtown, a man with dreadlocks comes and sits on the seat in front of mine. There are probably about 20 other seats on this bus that are free.. so then he moves and sits in the one in front of the one he was just sitting in.. a bit odd i guess. A women wearing all brown clothing enters the bus and sits in the seat behind me. It is likely that if she were to lean forward a bit, she could read the words that I write in this notebook. I wouldn't mind her looking into my thoughts. I don't know her and she is good looking, why not. The amount of people on this bus grows steadily over the span of a few minutes. An older woman with a black coat and dirty looking hair comes and sits in front of me. She is large and obstructs my vision of most of the front of the bus. I see a woman near the front of the bus wearing headphones that were popular in the 90's. The woman in the seat opposite of her is much better looking and is where a good looking set of black sunglasses. We finally depart from downtown and are now heading up Gordon street. The bus stops and two more beautiful women enter.. this is just not fair, but then again we are heading to the university in which 90% of the population is women and about half of them are stunningly gorgeous. The other half.. not so much. This two women are wearing sunglasses that resemble those worn by the woman disgussed earlier. One is also wearing a noticable pink scarf. As the bus moves I feel every bump on the road as if I am sliding across them with my bair self.. these buses need better shocks. A foren women sitting on the other side of the bus is reading a book that resembles an ILC course book. Maybe this women is in the same situation as me. A green car passes by us with a beautiful women as the driver. She is probably headed to the university as well. She also has a pair of sunglasses that resemble those of the 3 women on the bus. These must be in fashion. I see a man on the sidewalk wearing a Toronto Maple Leafs hat. He is a university student for sure. hy then does he not take the bus like the rest of us? Does he need excersise? He is skinny already. We now arrive at the University and I am forced to put away my notebook.

Rna

Rna