Once again

So it's been a while since i have posted on here, mainly because i have been exceedingly busy with school and everything. I feel now that we are approaching the end of the term, and Christmas, I should have a bit of a mind dump into my blog. What do I think about my program so far? It's OK, maybe not as fun as physics but a good little detour on the way to my ultimate goal. I have learned a lot about operating systems and not so much about networking, since learning networking is like trying to learn math, drunk and stoned, and in Arabic. Yeah it's way harder than physics if you can believe that. Of course for the laymen I am not sure, since everyone says they hate physics and that it is difficult, when on my end, I find it relaxing and enjoyable.

I am supposed to be writing a paper for a friend on sugar glass, but i will get to that later seeing as my sleep schedule is fucked to the point of me going to bed at 4am every night, I plan to change that during the break and when I come back I will be ready to wake up early and kick some calculus ass.. and whatever else courses i have.. likely networking since I will probably fail. The funny thing is that it is pointless for people in general to ask how things are going because a sensible person will ALWAYS reply with good. It is just a waste of everyone's time if they say bad because not only is it depressing for everyone but it also requires an explanation.

Somehow this leads to the topic of my name. I cannot believe that I actually was successful in getting everyone to call me Elijah. It isn't a bad thing or even a sneaky or malicious thing. I am quite glad of this since now it gives me more incentive to get rid of my ridiculous original name for good. Another topic change leads me to the fact that I am still a scientist at heart. I should have started taking notes on the small social experiments I have been running since I have been here. Some people don't talk to me anymore but that is a common side effect. One instance gave me a scare when they said they would send half of Toronto's goons to come hurt me, but then i realized how ridiculous this proposal would be, being that the reason for her doing this is because I don't like her "in that way" sort of a childish response on her part, but i will not hold it against her. I am a scientist, not a person who holds grudges. A scientist learns from foul experiences such as these, and gathers data as for future reference.

Now I come to the matter at hand. A recent science experiment that I should have run long ago. It concerns my own mind. As we have seen in previous studies run and published in the past, one can change a persons memory to something completely different than reality, and have that person actually believe what they "remember". Well it is due time i try this on myself. It has been too long that I have had these thoughts floating up in my mind, distracting me from the pressing tasks of my day. No longer. I have decided to try and alter my memory so as to change these thoughts into undesirable thoughts that my mind will discard rather than harp upon. How will I do this? I plan on, every time I think of this particular "thing(we will call it)" I will immediately think of something either inanimate, or foul. This may have the effect over time, of changing the object in memory completely to this other thing that I think of, making the once important object into something inanimate. It will then become unnecessary and not distracting to me.

I am quite excited about this experiment and there is only one thing that can hinder it. When I go back home and see this "thing". Therefore.. I will avoid it at all costs. Speaking of which, home will be quite interesting to return to. There are less things that I am looking forward to, than things that I am not. Things looking forward to include my kitty, certain friends, and a few family members. The rest will just bring back foul memories. What I plan on doing is spending a lot of time in the places that gave me good memories. Places like the University, where I would sit studying physics for 8 hours. The church situation is what concerns me the most. I do not go to church anymore, nor did I ever believe in it in the first place. My dad will ask me to go and I will either start a feud or just go along with it. I have learned a lot in college, and one major thing is to stand up for what I believe, and most importantly to not waste my time on things that do not matter to me. Therefore I do not know what will happen, all i know is that I will not like this month as much as my time spent in Ottawa and I will be glad to be back, and to NOT return home for summer.

Thank you for reading my mind dumb. I will give another update of myself soon enough.

very nervous

48 hours.. so close yet so far.. sitting listening to "mad world" and trying to calm myself.. I can't. 48 hours and I will be put in a whole new world in which i am a stranger. But will it be much different than the one i am in right now? Here I also feal like somewhat of a stranger. I am not really close to anyone emotionally anymore.. so why should i be nervous to be put into a new group of people who at least may give me a fresh start? I have no clue. The song changes to 1979 by the smashing pumpkins.

Nervousness

Getting increasingly nervous as the days go by. Only 3 days left in guelph. In a way I am really happy to leave.. in a lot of ways actually.. in fact my whole entire being and every part of me is ready to get the fuck out of guelph. So why would i be nervous as the time approaches in which i get to leave this place? It hasto do with uncertainty. I am uncertain of pretty much everything that will happen as i enter the campus of my school on saturday. I can anticipate what the drive will be like easily enough, but when it comes to what happens next, I am clueless. I ofcourse invision the worst case scenario. Awkwardness and frustration with parents as i move in, and then of course not fitting in with the people in res afterwards. It seems plausible. It is almost certain that my parents will make the move in portion a complete nightmare, and my looks and awkwardness toward people i don't know will take care of the ladder part. So basically I am screwed, and my nervousness grows as the days go on.. can't wait.

Random thoughts August 30th 2009

It's been a long time since my last blog post and a whole lot has changed.. I have no clue where to begin. Guess I will start off by saying I leave guelph in exactly 6 days! Woots! finally getting out! Funny how I refer to it as if i am in a prison but you cannot honestly expect me to think differently. The summer has been definitely a roller coaster. Not sure if i want to just spill the entire contents of it to the entire internet but lets just say i built some new relationships and probably ruined a few aswell.
Speaking in a scientific fashion, I would describe my summer as a sin curve. Kinda started off at the bottom then, then a rapid inclination, peek, and then by this point it has pretty much come back to the state at which it started. Definitely the busiest and most active summer of my life. Every summer up until now has been: video games.. cabin.. video games, tv... camping.. videogames, tv.. off to school! very exciting indeed, but what do you expect when you have no one else there to make it interesting. That is presicely why this summer was so different. I learned this summer, that hanging out with the right people can actually make life fun. Then again dealing with the after math of socializing reminds me once more of why I hated socializing in the first place, hence the end of the sin curve, being right back where i started only the time has changed.
I did hit the big one nine, on july 24th, went out and got hammered at the bars for the first time, it was fun but i am not sure if it is something i would like to repeat. In fact the funniest thing about it, is that now that I am 19 and able to drink all that i want, the desire to do so has completely diminished. I had a friend who asked if i wanted to go get smashed and all i could think about was the fact that i would lose control of my body and have a massive headache the next day. How is that fun at all? It does help when you are depressed though I gotta give it that.
So in 6 days I will venture to the city of Ottawa where I will live in the residence of Algonquin College. They were supposed to give me my roomate's info late july/early august.. still hasn't come.. Yeah i can tell they are really on the ball over there. So this is just great, I missed orientation and I don't even know who my roomate is. I hate not knowing shit that I really am gonna need to know! Anyways it should be an adventure however it turns out. I feal like I have a choice between two lives that i could live while there. On one hand, I could do what I had planned to do a while back, which is be completely anti-social and focus all of my time on my studies, or I could be very social and see how many new people, I can meat while also focussing a great deal of time to my studies. Not a difficult choice for most people. But for me it is. Do i really want to concern myself with all the social pressures that I probably could easily avoid? If high school was any indecation, I am terrible at meating people, so it may just be a failure anyway.. so why try? I did i lot of socializing this summer, and by the end, it has become somehwat of a struggle. Do i want to deal with this type of stuff in college? I have always had a firm beleif that high school students are much different than people my ageor older, so that would probably sway me to think that I should try and put myself out there this year. After all, my skeptic group is full of people much older than me, and I get along with them much better than anyone. Then again, these are people that hold the exact same beliefs as myself. When it comes to my parents.. i dont get along with them.. anyways this is all very off topic, i dont even remember where i am. The point is, I will most likely try and meet people, all i haveto do is mimic this summer except try and maintain it rather than let it fall through for some unknown reason that i still havent figured out.
So, My trip to new york was fun this summer. Saw all of the beautiful and of course not so beautiful but still awesome parts of my wonderful city. I call it my city because I am obsessed with it, and it is mine! jk. I did have a bit of a head injury, slipped in the bath tub in my hotel room and hit my head on the sink. An inch lower and it would have hit my temple, which means i would have died or at best would be alive but probably would have lost the ability to type this. It's great though because it gives me an excuse for whenever i say something stupid.. no one ever believes the excuse but it works out well enough for a laugh.. ok maybe they dont laugh but i think its a good joke so whatever.
I plan to blog a lot while i am in college. Keep the internet, and friends who reads this, up to date on how well or shitty it is going.. hopefully it goes well.. it should but you never know. The roomate is the big concern at the moment. I just don't want it to be some jock.. of course I have come to learn that jocks are really only people that i want to stab when they are between the age of 14-18, usually after high school they are not complete assholes anymore.. most of them anyway.
Anyways I am running out of thoughts here so thanks for reading, if you were able to make it through that mess of words that I call random thoughts.

Random thoughts april 21st 2009

The library is quiet today. University term is over, so there are still some students here, but not all that many so it is nice. I've decided to go to school in Ottawa in the fall, so as to get away from the life I have here for a while. It's not that I hate my life at the moment, but there are some things that I would just like to get away from for a while, and also the fact that the program that I will be in there is a good one. So untill then, I shall still come and study at the library frequently, which is where I sit at the present time. The weekend was an adventure. I got very little sleep, so by the time sunday rolled around, I was not having a good weekend. I was sitting in my car, on sunday night, feeling really depressed(probably from the lack of sleep). So I started a bunch of text conversation with all of the people that I thought might offer conforting words that would make me feel less depressed. Apparently it worked because when I returned home, I was feeling better, and then watched celebrity apprentice and went to bed. That show btw it just getting worse and worse as time goes on, yet I am so addicted to reality TV that I just keep watching. Same with survivor, and amazing race, and american idol. It is the fact that I have watched almost every season of these shows that I just keep on watching. While I am on the topic of TV, the new House M.D. episodes are getting better and better *spoiler alert* kutner dying was not something that I perticularly liked, but it was much better than if they somehow tried to replace him with another actor, it just wouldn't have worked. My friend Brooklynn introduced me to House. Is it just me? or is Brooklynn like the coolest name ever. I would be like the happiest person ever if I was named brooklynn, I could be living in poverty and be facing death everyday for my whole life, but if my name was brooklynn while I experience those things, I would be fine with it. Me on the other hand, am stuck with Peter.. which is OK but I think I would name someone... something different than Peter. Something like Elijah, or Benjamen, or Jacob, or Albert. These are anmes with some substance. Maybe later in life I'll change my name, that would be fun. Anyways I think 'll end this here, and continue writing my science fiction novel. 

random thoughts april 9th 2009

Today is the ifrst day in about a week that I have returned to the university after my week long, tremendously awful cold.. yes I don't know how to spell.. good observation on your part if infact you di pick up on that when you read it. So here I am, back at the university library writing in my blog. In the time that I was away, I applied to 5 colleges.. why? because I don't know if physics is really what I want to do anymore.. peter having doubts? yes peter is having doubts and in times of doubt I revert back to an older version of me, in this case the me that wanted to go to college for computer engineering and so it is possible that I will go and do so.

But enough talking about future peter.. what is happening with now peter.. well I am sitting writing a blog entry that no one will read.. wonderful. I got into twitter this week, and I wrote a "tweet"(as it were) about how I was standing waiting for the bus while I listened to lil'wayne with my 8 dollar headphones.. and it is true my headphones cost 8 dollars and the funny thing is, I find the cheaper the headphones, sometimes the better the quality :O insane right? BUT TRUE! Of course this only applies to earbuds.. when it comes to headphones that cover your ears, usually you pay for what you get.

I am sitting in a more open booth with less space today.. it makes me feal a bit more volnerable and also a little self-conscious because there is a girl 2 booths over who is able to see me with her peripheral vision therefore if I look like an idiot, she will see how much of an idiot I look like.. or atleast get a glimpse of how much of an idiot I AM! Most people don't believe me when I tell them I am an idiot, but just spend about a week hanging out with me and you will see really I am not smart. I may be good at physics but that is really just one subject that just happens to be really complicated and hard to understand for everyone else. But honestly like ask me if I know anything about fixing a car and I will ask, "what is a car?" Ok ok that was an exajuration but it's close enough to truth that you should get the just of what I am saying.

Anyways I beeter close it out.. got lots of work to do.

random thoughts April 1st 2009

Today is april fools.. it's a rainy day today and I have a cold, depressing.. just a little bit. Not sure what really started the april fools phenominon but I can't say that I like it very much. Fooling someone or decieving someone is not fun or joyful or whatever makes you happy. All it does is make people angry.. I don't like to be angry.. do yooou like to be angry? didn't think so. So why do we devote a whole day of our year toward it.. or in elementary school a half a day.. I never really unstood that either. Guess the teachers just got fed up with it by the time lunch came "ENOUGH IS ENOUGH CHILDREN! It's twelve o'clock.. April fools is OVER!" Which I can completely understand. Children annoy me enough to know that i should have sympathy for teachers. I also admire people that want to help our children learn because they are the future of our species. The thing is though, I really could care less about the future of our species because frankly when I die.. I am just going back to 1990 so nothing in the future will really affect me. There are few things that I hope for in my lifetime though concerning the human species.. things like religion.. yeah I hope it is gone before I die, even though I know it wont be because no matter how much evidence you present to a true believer, you will always get the same responce which is usually something like "God is just testing our faith right now" That's the thing about religion, it runs on having no evidence and a lot of evidence against it. It just eats that shit right up. No amount of good evidence can get rid of it. The only solution is to find a way to have the children of the future NOT be endoctrenated into thinking that religion is the way to go. We need to teach our children that scientific thinking is the right way of thinking. That eveidence should be present for one to believe something and that we should not just take a claim at face value.

In my cubical is a picture of a bong, and under it, it reads "bill nye" then beside it, someone wrote "haha" with an arrow pointing to it.. interesting. I am on a different floor today.. it is much louder floor but almost seems quieter than floor 5 because of the fact that all the noise together just sounds like a constant like a heater going while you sleep, whereas on floor five there are a bunch of isolated annoying sounds.

I analysed a guy who got on the bus yesterday, he had just bought a new book that he planned to read on the bus, I knew this because as he turned the book open he analysed the very first page with his eyes. He went through each page one by one and looked at it for a few seconds until he got to the prologue. He spent a lot of time on the detication page.. interesting because I ususally skip that page pretty quickly. He also read the prologue which is usually boring so I say fuck it let them get there own deretoes.. that is a george carlin line. 

The lighting is a bit darker in this portion of the library.. hm

anyways I am going to get to work now so have a good one.

random thoughts march 31st 2009

I read an interesting short story today about a man who falls in love with a woman, but then the woman get beaten, by her boyfriends while he takes her picture and posts it on the web. The story ends with the man finding a picture of her amputated, suggesting that the boyfriends had taken it one step further each day and now is cutting off lims.. not sure i spelt that right. This story is called "More Tomorrow" written by the author Michael Marshall Smith, who is a british writer who writes short stories about suffering, and does a good job at it. I also read part 5 of "The Watchmen" graphic novel. I bought it after watching the movie, and I must say the novel is better than the movie.. but common you already knew that. 

So now I sit in a cubical in the library again.. the words "How's it going to end?" are written in large letters in pencil on the desk here. I plan to reply to this message with "It never will end, because each moment is a constant in the tenth dimension." It is a refference to the ten dimensional theory of theoretical physics, a theory that I have a great deal of interest and trust in, so it is only fitting that I use it to reply to a random message on a desk.

My throat isn't as sore today.. that is good.. it is more itchy than sore, quite an interesting feeling. The library is a bit more quiet than usual today.. it is nice. I have today and today only to finish a whole unit in calculus, oh boy what a chore.. I don't feel like working. Over the last few weeks my work ethic seems to be deteriorating, I don't have the drive that I had in January, and i just don't know why. There really is no reason, my grades are above average.. way above average. My social life is.. hardly in existance but fine, and lost is on tomorrow. What could possibly be affecting my work ethic, my drive for perfection that I need to succeed. Maybe my father was right for once, maybe I "over did it" Maybe I have just crammed so much material into my head for the last couple of months that there is just no room left. Guess I haveto make some room. One more unit that is all I need to do until April 15th. 

I didn't wear a coat today. In fact I basically changed my entire appearance today. I didn't wear a coat, I am wearing jeans with a dress shirt, and I finally got a chance to wear my lucky New York hat.. this can only mean one thing.. spring is actually here! woots! really hope it stays this way. In the short story discussed earlier, the main character explains about how much he hates summer, and I haveto say I do actually agree to the points he makes. Like when you go out you are always expected to have a good time, and for some reason you always get the smae question asked to you, "Isn't it beautiful out?" he responds in the story with "No it fucking isn't" and I applaud him for that. 

anyways I will start to work now. so have a good one  

random thoughts march 30th 2009

Library is exceedingly busy today. More ambient noises than usual. I was lucky to even get a booth to work in. The first time I entered the library, there were too many people waiting for an elevator. I get clostrophobic so I walked up 5 stories. When I actually got to the fifth floor, there were no cubicals available to work in so I walked down 5 stories and entered the science complex(My favourite builing aside from the physics building which holds the beloved particle accelerator in the basement). There were no places to sit here either so I decided to make the dumb(at the time) decision of getting on the "University/Kortright" bus, believing in my mind that eventually the bus would go downtown. About 30 minutes later and I am back in the same location that I started in. So I got out of the bus and this time took the elevator up to the fifth floor. It was crouded and clostrophobic, but I was ok because I was surrounded by all women. Worst case senario here is that I get trapped in an elevator with a group of beautiful women for a span of time in which it takes the people to rescue us. Worst case senario from that worst case senario is that I die in a cramped space with a group of beautiful women.. I am fine with this end to my pitiful life. Luckily that was not the case. So in the time at which it had taken me to take the pointless bus ride, it had made the bus ride seem a little less pointless since there was now a cubical open for me in which here I sit writing. It is a pretty dirty cubical.. crums of some random food all over the place. I really do not understand why people are so dirty. You wuld think that university students would be more of the clean part of society, then again maybe they offer some sort of waste managemant course here.

I feal tired today.. I got an approximation of almost 11 hours of sleep last night.. shouldn't I be wide awake? felt terrible until I got to the university, maybe this place has become an addiction for me. It is entirely possible because whenever I am not here I feel kind of.. depressed. Its very odd indeed, I never feel quite comfortable in any other place other than a cubical in the library, maybe because it is enclosed, I am alone with my thoughts. Everyone here minds there own business, there are no interuptions. I am just at peice in this place. At home, I have my parents there, and though my parents brought me to this earth, they can be just be a complete irritant. Father comes into my room. Asks me these questions that are so incredibly pointless to ask. You know those questions where you give the same answer each time and even if the truth differs fromt the usual answer you just lie because you know more questions will follow that you do not want to answer.

I like being alone. Most people would get lonely, and love to go and see there family and friends. I like to visit friends on occasion but I wouldn't even mind if I just had an apartment and lived on my own for the rest of my life. People are just too much to deal with when they live with you. This is why I don't like to have people over to my house. There is no escape. If I go to a friends house and I feel uncomfortable or whatever I can easily just go home. But if they are in my house, I hate asking people to leave, and even if I do ask them, who is to say that they will want to? This is why a cubical in a library is a place that I feel the most secure and the most comfortable, because there are no people, no distraction, just me, my thoughts, and a ton of books surrounding me, along with my laptop in which I can use if I want to talk to someone. 

Today is a cold day. It feels like fall when I should be spring whether. This is another contributor to the way I felt when I got up this morning. Gah, the ambient noises again, a valcro napsac, a candy wrapper, all these sound waves being generates and reaching my ears(always gotta get the physics reference in). Sometimes I wonder if anyone will ever read this blog, what will they think? Am I some whiny 18 year old? probably. It is likely that someone will eventually google my name and find my blog.

The woman that sits behind me, I am not sure if she is good looking or not. She wears a brown shirt and all I have seen is the back of her head. I accidently touched her bag with the back of my foot when I came to my cubical. I hate it when other people accidently touch my stuff, so I felt bad about it even though she is probably not as strange like that as I am. She types fast like me, maybe I can challenge her to a typing contest. There are coffee stains all over my desk, how dumb do you haveto be to spill coffee everywhere and then not even wipe it off. Am I the only one that is conscious about these things? she is now clicking rapidly. Maybe fixing a mistake in whatever she is typing. The sun peaks through the clouds and brightens up the room. And now it is gone again. I hear a zipper from behind me. She is leaving, well now we know what the clicking was all about. Some people take like 10 minutes to pack up there things. It's like when they come into the library they go ahead and set up camp. This girl didn't take too long. 

It's 4:19PM now. I feel like I should get to work on chemistry but another part of me wants to just keep typing. I guess it is relaxing for me to type out my thoughts. I watched "The love Guru" with mike myers this morning. That was a disaster of a movie. I am not sure how a movie like that even gets into theatres. I guess the only reason that it made any money was because they had jessica alba starring in it... thats about it though. I tought myself to play the prologue to "in bruges" yesterday. This is probably the best peice of piano music I ever heard and now I can almost play it perfectly. Talia told me that I am probably better at piano than I think I am. Maybe she was write. Maybe that wouldn't be too bad an idea fro a movie script. Just a movie about a guy writing a blog.. that wasn't thought out well. Maybe I will press backspace and delete the previous sentence. Now isn't that interesting, If I delete the last sentence than no one will know what was written other than me.. this is like some sort of paradox. Thats a cool name "paradox" I want to name a kid that. I think anything with an x is a pretty cool name.

maybe i'll stay here till like 2AM today. Then again house is on. And big bang theory. Cannot miss those shows. Two women start to talk near me. Isn't that irritating. There is a reason for the sign that reads "Quiet study area." Than again technically I am not abiding my the sign either since I am not studying. I will now write what they say: "like if you want to do that... quite whisper quite whisper quite whisper.. annoying whisper annoying whisper annoying whisper... she's like ok.. click click click..." Hot blonde comes and sits behind me now.. aren't I lucky.. not really, what am I going to do? talk to this woman? right why don't we wait about 300 trillian years and then see. 

Anyways I am out for now.. too much to do

random thoughts march 25th 2009

Today, I watch the movie "88 minutes." it was good.. but the director has some issues when it comes to.. well directing. The script was well thought out and planned the the director really dropped the ball on the exicution and the acting in the movie was poor.. but really what do you expect from a movie like this. I then got on a bus and went downtown.. the bus changed its route so now I haveto stand there at the bus stop like an idiot for even longer.. I have no justification for calling myself an idiot there it just seemed odly appropriate. The library is more crouded and lour today.. dont really know why.. maybe I'm just more irritated by the people here today. I have a lecture to go to tonight with a certain meetup group called "The Grand River Athiests" I tell my parents that it is a skeptic group because they seem to frown on athiests but seem ok with skeptics even though a skeptic and an athiest are pretty close to being the same types of people. How a skeptic can be a true believer I have no clue, but whatever. I ate wendy's today.. because that is all downtown has left for food, unless ofcourse you are looking to spend 15 dollars for lunch, and in my financhial position right now that wouldn't be the best choice. Person in the cubical beside me is still rusiling around.. dont know how to spell rusiling but just sound it out and you should know what i mean. Jeez how can someone make so much noise in a library.. go jack off some place else!! Guy to my left is writing a paper on god knows what.. maybe he should just make sure that his screen is exposed even more so i can read the damn thing. Guy comes and sits behind me.. I can see the reflection of him in my laptop's screen and he is clearly trying to make out everything that I am typing.. could job mr. subtle.. almost forgot how to spell subtle.. I think I am losing my mind.. then again I always think that I am losing my mind.. maybe I already have lost my mind, see because you can never know if you've lost your mind since your mind is what makes you think that you have lost your mind and if you actually lost your mind your mind wouldnt know which means you wouldnt know. I find people in University tend to stair at eachother a lot.. get your eyes off of me freak I am not even good-looking. I stair at some women only because they are exceedingly gorgeous, then when they finally look at me I try and find a way to make it look like it was fate that our eyes, met since I had only been glancing for a second. How do I pull this off? once we make eye contacts I immediately look at another person who is less good looking than her. This puts it in her mind that all I am doing is glancing at random people in the room. That I was not stairing at her but it just may mean something that our eyes have met. Then again when it happens over and over she gets creeped out and leaves.. I am too afraid to actually talk to these people. Anyways I better get to work on more important things so chow

random thoughts march 24 2009

sitting in a new location in the library today.. can't seem ti find an outlet for my laptop. i sit here eating cold pizza and drinking coke for lunch. I look over and see a book that reads "Technicolor on the too many people have spine. What could this book possibly be about? is it a physics book about the vidual spectrum? or possibly a book about the art of color. whatever it is, i am way too busy with food to go pick that book up. There are way too many mushrooms on this piece of pizza, and i am not talking about the drug mushrooms. justv those ones that taste.. kinda good but alsp kinda.. not good. one book i will go pick up in a few minutes is "intdroduction to theoretical physics" a marvelis book indeed. guy with glasses walks by.. nice leather jacket.. wouldn't mind having one of those when i cruise by the clubs in the t.o on my birthday. girl in yellow jacket enters, she is good looking and speaking of looking looks confused as to wgere she is going. i love it when two people enter and they both dont know where to go.. that just happened. Too many people have ipods nowadays. what ever happened to paying attention to your surroundings. These people could get jumped and they would care less because they have there nice toons playing in there ears. Back in the day it was walkman's. At least then you had to switch the tape or CD, now you have like 10K songs and you just play them in a random order. Really though I love my ipod so its not like im complaining. I am just merely making observations of what I see. Like a woman sitting on the floor in a library picking at her fingers, at least find a chair for christ sake. I want to take a few minutes and just find an outlet but i cant stop thinking about how stupid that would make me look. I am in this library every day and i cant find a freaking outlet to plug a laptop into. How sad. It is beautiful outside today. The light shines of the buildings of the university in a way that is indescribably beautiful.. yes I know I find beauty in the most mundain of things.. buts its there and I see it. Personally brunettes are much hotter than blondes.. why do blondes then get all the attention? guess other people have different tastes. I dont care what you say, blondes are less intelligent than brunettes aswell, accept for the really ugly ones but common if your ugly you have nothing left but intelligence, son i guess not all blondes are dumb but the hot ones are which is a shame indeed. I find that ugly, and lesbian women tend to be the majority of feminists. I have nothing against standing up for equal rights to all sex's but common stop it with this policeman bullshit. Does anyone really care what you call a cop or a fireMAN? If we are going to get that specific, let me make the areguement that we must change the name of the ladybug because i am a masculist now. ok jk jk. so therefore I conclude my thoughts for today because I haveto get to work on some things that are actually important now.

Bus analysis March 23, 2009

Sitting on a bus that will be heading up Gordon street toward the University of Guelph. As I sit waiting for the bus to depart downtown, a man with dreadlocks comes and sits on the seat in front of mine. There are probably about 20 other seats on this bus that are free.. so then he moves and sits in the one in front of the one he was just sitting in.. a bit odd i guess. A women wearing all brown clothing enters the bus and sits in the seat behind me. It is likely that if she were to lean forward a bit, she could read the words that I write in this notebook. I wouldn't mind her looking into my thoughts. I don't know her and she is good looking, why not. The amount of people on this bus grows steadily over the span of a few minutes. An older woman with a black coat and dirty looking hair comes and sits in front of me. She is large and obstructs my vision of most of the front of the bus. I see a woman near the front of the bus wearing headphones that were popular in the 90's. The woman in the seat opposite of her is much better looking and is where a good looking set of black sunglasses. We finally depart from downtown and are now heading up Gordon street. The bus stops and two more beautiful women enter.. this is just not fair, but then again we are heading to the university in which 90% of the population is women and about half of them are stunningly gorgeous. The other half.. not so much. This two women are wearing sunglasses that resemble those worn by the woman disgussed earlier. One is also wearing a noticable pink scarf. As the bus moves I feel every bump on the road as if I am sliding across them with my bair self.. these buses need better shocks. A foren women sitting on the other side of the bus is reading a book that resembles an ILC course book. Maybe this women is in the same situation as me. A green car passes by us with a beautiful women as the driver. She is probably headed to the university as well. She also has a pair of sunglasses that resemble those of the 3 women on the bus. These must be in fashion. I see a man on the sidewalk wearing a Toronto Maple Leafs hat. He is a university student for sure. hy then does he not take the bus like the rest of us? Does he need excersise? He is skinny already. We now arrive at the University and I am forced to put away my notebook.

Rna

Rna

My fighting thoughts

Argh, I want to write but I have nothing to write about. I guess I can tell everyone about my angry household of late. Angry household what do you mean? well what I mean is the people in my household are angry not the household itself. So I lay on my couch, it is almost 9PM.. oh wait let me take you back to 7:13PM for a moment. I get off the bus and as if it were a bad omen of the night to come, I see the most hidious beast I have ever laid eyes on coming toward the bus as I left. It was a women who I had worked with at McDonald's and she was very very frightning, so anyways I was able to escape that situation by.. walking away. I then go to my house where as I enter my parents are sitting having dinner. As I am explaining something to them, my father interupts and said "Can you please just sit down and eat?" How rude of him to interupt. I replied with "No I must go to my room, then use the restroom, then I will eat." I obviously did not say this in the most polite manner seeing as it was a reply to a rude interuption. So my father said "ok ok I was just asking a question." So at this point the conversation is over and a few hours pass. Now we come back to 8:45PM or around that time. I lay on my couch watching a show about comedians, its quite amazing now that I think about it. The fact that I am watching a show that is supposed to make me laugh, and shortly thereafter I am confronted with something that makes me want to cry. So at this point in time my father is finishing his shuvelling job outside, and I turn to my mom and ask, "What is dad doing outside?" then my mother replies, "He is shuvelling the driveway and he specifically told me that he doesn't want help." Hmm ok so I didn't go out and help. About 15 minutes pass and he has now come inside and is sitting on a chair watching the rest of this TV program with me. About five minutes before it ended(I know the calculations of the times are off just be vague) He said "Peter put it on 503 please." Knowing the way he is I just change the channel and since I didn't feel like watching sports, I got up... Big mistake. It's funny how one motion of my body which would seem insignificant have such a large effect on the fallowing moments afterwards. So then he says, "Why are you getting up?" I replied with, "I don't feel like watching sports." I wont describe the entire conversation but the just of it is that it was really loud, contained very vulgar language and since there is no getting my point accross I ended up just complying with everything he said. Why argue if you know that the other side won't listen. It is like dealing with religious people, infact it is dealing with religious people because that is what my parents are. So I ended up going to bed feeling like crap, because believe it or not it is not anything but loud violent voices that makes me have these very veil feelings inside, whenever I was at school and there was a fight with two people yelling at eachother I had these same feelings. My mind has always worked a bit different than everyone elses. So I really dont know what else to say other than this is why I spend most of my time at the University. So thats my thoughts for today.

Human Stupidity

I have an idol. His name is Albert Einstein, and he once said, "Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I am not sure about the former." He was right in this statment in many many ways. Firstly, he was right about the universe as we are learning through new advances in theoretical physics, but what I want to talk a little about today is human stupidity. One can never tell whether he/she is stupid or not, because our minds decieve us into thinking that we are very intelligent even if we are not. This is why religious people think that they are right. It is not because they are right but because there minds are telling them that what they think is true IS and if anyone challenges that, they are the stupid ones. I am not saying that all religious people are stupid, because I have met very intelligent people that are religious. I just cannot understand why people with a vast knowledge of the physics of the universe can still think that there is some mythical diety watching over everyone. How does this tie into human stupidity? Well stupidity is only about what you have been taught throughout your life, and how you use that information, in addition to your own instincts. When I walk into a bathroom cubical and see writing all over the walls, I wanter what this person that wrote these things has been taught. I wonder what would make him think that the best thing for him to do at that second was to get his pen out of his pocket and write a volgar slurr on the wall while he is releasing his goods into the toilet. Stupidity is about what people think is the best for themselves, and turn out wrong in the end. Lets take a manager at my work. She wrote a sign to put in the bathroom downstairs(sorry for all of the bathroom references but suitably stupidity and bathrooms just go together). She wrote, "Dont flush this tolet." You could look at this sign in two ways. One being, "hmm quite the typo." The second being, "wow learn to spell." I would look at this sign and say, "yes this person is stupid." But when I really think about it, it all comes down to what this person was taught in school, when she learned to read and write. But if stupidity was about what you were taught, that would mean that her whole class cannot spell toilet. This lead me to realize that it is not just what you have been taught, but the efficiency of ones mind. Her brain perhaps was not able to take in the information in spelling the word as quick as other kids brains therefore now she can't spell. So really human stupidity has something to do with the human mind. Who would've thought. Now obviously if you talk to a neurologist I am sure he would tell you something similar and way more in depth. Though the mind fascinates me, I like physics. So dont ask me about technical stuff when it comes to biology because I just don't know, and this is why this blog is very very boring. 

In conclusion, there will always be someone smarter than you, and there will always be someone that is dumber than you. The dumb people will use physical strength to win a fight whereas the smart people will use there keen intellect and that is just what makes the world go around, in a metaphorical sense... Man that was a bad entry no real stucture.. oh well no one reads this shitty blog and these are just my random thoughts of the day so yeah.

LOST RETURNS! 4 8 15 16 23 42

I am not sure if I have ever stated what my favourite show on television is, but i will now... LOST! This is one of the most well written shows I have ever seen, infact this exceeds the writing of all good movies that I have seen aswell. Lost is like a really really long, amazing movie. So as you might then assume I was tremendously excited when I learned of season 5 premiering on wednesday January 21st on abc. I believe my words were something like this: "OMG OMG OMG" when I saw the first commercial. So ofcourse last nights first two efpisodes did not disappoint, keeping my eyes locked to my television screen for 2 hours. You would think that once they get off the island they aren't really "lost" anymore so how are they going to pull out another couple of brilliant seasons. Well I think that they have done one of the most clever things you can possibly do in this situation. Something that htey always have done right from the first episode is had multiple flashbacks and flashforwards showing the lives of these characters before and after they are on the island. Now though, they have taken it one step further. When you write a show that deals with a mysterious island, and you take 4 seasons showing that the island is basically capable of anything it also opens up the dorr for time-travel. Now that the people on the island are traveling through time against there will, bengamen(my favourite character) is trying to get everyone who esscaped back to the island, it creates endless possibilities for where the show can go next, and therefore, also makes it incredibly hard to predict what will happen next. This is how they have set the stage going into season 5 and I am glad of it. I am really glad that we will be able to enjoy there brilliant writing for another few seasons and I will make my comments every week when there is a new episode. 

Skeptic Idolization

It is monday January 19th 2009 at 8:08AM, and as always I sit in a booth at the University of Guelph Library and prepare to do some mathematics. As I am preparing and setting up my laptop to write a blog entry, I catch a "figure" in the corner of my eye. Uh Oh! Finally the evil spirit from the library has come for me right? So of course I look over and it has vanished!

Ever since I was a little boy I have wanted to see a ghost. Now being a fully fledged skeptic I begin to wonder about these things. For years I had been watching shows like "ghost hunters" and "fear." Hoping to catch some sort of a glimps of these things through my television set. It has occured to me thogh throughout my time watching these that I have never seen one peice of evidence displayed on these shows that is rock solid. That I could take to anyone and say, "here look a ghost." Over the last couple of years I have learned about things like pattern recognition and how our brains tend to make us believe things that are untrue quite easily. Take religion for example. There was a time in my early years of life that I believed in god, and not only that, but believed in aliens, ghosts, and a lot of the supernatural. What people do not understand is that once you actually study and analyse these things and how they relate to the way the mind works. You begin to realize that a lot of this is just a mind that has interpreted the universe in such a way that these things seem like they could be real. Of course with my studies in Physics, Biology, and my personal research into certain areas of neuroscience, I have been able to uncover some of this mystery and realize what my brain is capable of making me believe. A person can be the most intelligent person you have ever met, but there brain works just like everyone elses therefore they are also very capable of being mislead down a path of believing in things of the supernatural. What we must do is begin really analyse and take a look at these certain areas. A man who has always promoted the idea that we should start analyzing hard eveidence rather than anictodal, or any type that can be tampered with is one James Randi, a man that I have tremendous respect for and whom I strive to be similar too. He has taken the psychic phenominon and exposed it for what is really is. He is the host of the "million dollar challenge" where by any psychic who can demonstrate that there power is real will be awarded one million dollars. No psychic has claimed the price yet. Silvia Brown apparently accepted the challenge, and for some reason we never heard the results. It is apparent that she backed out. My mother always believed in people like Silvia Browne and John Edward who have made there living by claiming that they can speak to the dead. James Randi never claims that these people are "fake" he only states that these people hve not been able to present there powers in a controlled double blinded test, and until they can do that we will not take them as real.

I am glad that I have switched my thinking to a more scientific process, for it allows to distinguish what is real from what is nto quite easily. I think that everyone should think like this and I do think that eventually this will happen, because in any case, science will always win because we explore things based on real evidence whereas the other side of the argument will never be able to produce it unless it is actually legitamite. Throughout my life I will try my best to help others to be critical thinkers and I hope in time others will do the same.

My Sara speel

It is January the 15th 2009 at 8:21AM. Location? University of guelph library 5th floor. come and get me murderers! its nice and quiet up here and i take frequent trips tot eh bathroom... but anyhow I feel like i want to write a blog entry about something random so here goes.

This morning at around 7AM i turned on the tv and started watching the today show like i do every morning and who do i see "running her mouth" again? good old sara pailen... or however you spell it. I do not get the thinking process of this women. like i have said in the past i cannot stand stupid people, but i what i cant stand even more than stupid people are stupid popular political figures. I stated right from the get go that sara pailen was going to be a really stupid person to bring to the front lines of government. I can only imagine what it would be like if she was to become vice president of the beautiful USA. luckily that didn't happen but now(since she is a hick), she is getting angry that she lost so she wants to point her twelve gage... or however you spell gage at somebody. So what does she do? makes an absolute moron of herself, by making some rediculous documentary about how she was picked on. Listen lady every time i was picked on in my years of elementary and high school i never went and made a documentary about it, and if one of us is going to make a documentary about being bullied it should be me! but anyways its not like this documentary is helping her case at all. It is onl serving the purpose of making her look even more dense and retarded.. kind of like her son.. oh wow a cheap shot indeed. then again she did kind of take a cheap shot at my man obama with the whole terrorist thing so i think i am obligated to take a few shots at my least favourite, religious, dense, freak of a governor sara pailen. Hell i couldn't even take 30 seconds of my time to find out how to spell her name right. I find it much easier to sound things out when i really do not care. Also she seems to not be taking to well the fact that her daughter got knocked up by some prick hockey player jock. face it lady your daughter is an unreligious hor who gets drunk and sees how many guys she can fuck in one night, oops one of them forgot the condom i guess and now lets give the kid some one silable name like trip or trig because we want to torcher this boy even more.

anyways i have had my speel now about our friend sara. I sincerely hope that she never gets that close to a higher seat in power ever and i mean EVER! again.

Random thoughts for today

Today is the 14th of January and I am on the fifth floor of the University of Guelph library. It 8:12AM and I feel like writing in my boring blog. Problem? I don't know what to write about. Sometimes I just like to sit and write stuff with no meaning or purpose... I have a physics lecture at 10:30AM today. f there is one thing in life that I can say I love and really have a passion for, it would be physics. Physics is so definite, no feeling or emotion in it, no unknowns. All you must do is find the correct formula. Draw a free body diagram, write down what you are given, and solve for the unknown. No guessing, no awkwardness, no nothing, just simple, peaceful physics. Same goes for Mathematics really, only I find that in Physics you must use your mind more. It's kind of like a puzzle, whereas Mathematics is more of Just the calculation. Lately I have been drawing farther and farther away from social endevers. You would think that this is a bad thing but it is possibly the best thing I have done. I hate everything about socializing. I have no idea how people find some sort of enjoyment out of it. "Dude you gotta come to the party this weekend, it will be off the hook." says a friend of mine. Why? so that i can kill brain cells by getting dead beat drunk? and even before I do that so that I can awkwardly meat a bunch of people that I have no respect for anyway? Tell me this. If I am never going to talk to these people in a few years why am I meating them. All a party does is obscure your mind from what is real. It takes you away from the important things in life like (at this point) my studies. Which is going to help me more down the road? my studies or the "off the hook party." I have never found enjoyment in parties and it is likely what miniscule enjoyment that was potentially there will disipate as I get older.

Today I work on English. Not my favourite subject, except ofcourse for the writing portion. I had a question in English yesterday about emotion. This is why I dislike this course. Talking about emotion is not my strong suit. it is much better now though than back when I was in high school I must admit. High school English was just an assortment of group activities that did nothing but help to lower the more intelligent people's marks. I usually would just tell the rest of my group to go away and do the assignment on my own. I found that this method worked quite well. Not relying on other people is always the best solution, because the only one you can ever really trust is yourself, and your cat. Yes your cat. Because cats act on instinct and they are not lazy... ok my cat is lazy but he's good at jumping... alright alright you can't rely on cats either. 

I'll tell you what. Sitting here is so much better than what I would be doing if I weren't here. Working at McDonald's serving a low class of society. This wil definitely be my last job at a fast food restaurant. In fact I don't think I will ever enter another McDonald's. I will openly admit that I am a tad bit pretentious. I only enjoy going to places where I know that the people that I will converse with have some degree of intelligence and I say that in as blunt a way as I can. I can't say that I am tolerant of stupidity because I am just not. I get way too much of it at my own home. That is why I plan to spend the magority of each day here, away from home, and away from bothersome people. If I could pick the most irritating thing in life it would be other people, and I mean that in the nicest way possible ofcourse. "But Peter you are a person aren't you?" Yes and I even cannot stand myself most of the time. I do that most stupid things and I get incredibly angree at myself. I don't know if I have ever writton this in this blog or not but I can be described as an over-analyser, analyzing every piece of what I do and then picking out everything that is bad about myself and just keeping it in my head. It never leaves but I cope.

Anyways this concludes my entry for today.

Boring life so far part 1

This will be a series of entries in which i will explain what i feel at this point in time... how sentimental.

So it is the 12th of january and i sit in the library of the University of Guelph writing a blog entry what a suprise eh. Why am i here? I happen to be working on six courses at once, so why are you writing a blog entry shouldn't you be studying or something? yes... wow this is boring I wasn't kidding when I named this blog. OK so anyways I just got back from a very interesting Physics lecture discussing Electric fields and point charges yes i am a physics geek. So your a physics major than right? nooot exactly. Actually I will be in about a year. remember those courses i spoke of? not exactly University courses, these courses are to get to University so in the mean time I pretend like I attend here by going to physics lectures and taking notes. Wow you are a nerd... but a nerd would be in University by now. Absolutely correct reason number 367 why I hate my idiot self. I made the stupid choice of wanting to go to college rather than university when i was in high school so now, i must upgrade every course to become my dream, you guessed it, PhD physisist. So... that is basically my boring life at the moment, and of course I share it with you on my boring blog.