The hell I have built

Oakland Raider Fans, Parents who bring squalling brats to R-rated movies
Circle I Limbo

Scientologists
Circle II Whirling in a Dark & Stormy Wind

General asshats
Circle III Mud, Rain, Cold, Hail & Snow

Steve Jobs
Circle IV Rolling Weights

George Bush
Circle V Stuck in Mud, Mangled

River Styx

Rednecks, PETA Members
Circle VI Buried for Eternity

River Phlegyas

Republicans
Circle VII Burning Sands

Osama bin Laden
Circle IIX Immersed in Excrement

The Pope, Creationists
Circle IX Frozen in Ice

Design your own hell

Mind dump

Hello again, this is Elijah Vlasveld reporting in again after a long time. Of course I have been quite busy with college and whatnot so blogging does not take the highest of priorities.
Things have been going quite well lately. I stick to my studies much more this semester. I think last semester as I was introduced to life in residence, I was so caught up in meeting people and partying and such, that I really didn't care as much as I should have about school, and all of the values I had built up in myself over the last few years.
I am finally coming back down to earth I really should have been all along. Social life is beginning to become less important again, and my mind is forming back into what it once was. I again start to debate and challenge everything as the critical thinker I always strive to be. The only downfall of this is of course the fact that people begin to seem a lot less intelligent as time goes on. I even question sometimes why I chose to make the switch to community college. I find myself craving the study of physics, but nowadays I have no time for it.
My one large problem with community college is the fact that I feel like I am being treated like a child. People always checking in on me, and professors taking marks for attendance.. what grade am I in here? Plus generally the atmosphere is quite different from what I would like. More people drinking and less people interested in having highly engaging conversation. Not a lot of atheists either. Not that it really matters to me, I do enjoy debating it with them anyway.
Yes a lot has changed but I am content with where I am at the moment. I do plan to eventually continue my study in the area of physics but will take this small detour. I mean all pet peeves aside, education is education and I will study any material that is presented as long as it is well referenced.
Speaking of where I am, I would like to talk a bit about the city of Ottawa. I have now lived here for over 7 months, and I have to say it is growing on me. At first, I found that I was still stuck in a place that was too small for my liking. But as you ride down the 417 and gaze to the your left, you see a beautiful stack of buildings covering the downtown core, and you realize that this place may be bigger than you think. It's no Toronto, and it certainly is no New York, but it will do for now again as a detour on my way to my life in New York.
I also find a slight conflict within myself these days. Though I think with a scientific mind, very rational and mathematical. I also have this artistic, creative side that comes out now and again. I feel as though I want to engage it but never really have a canvas to do so. Maybe in time I can study a double major of physics and art. But for now I must study for a mid-term I have tomorrow on C programming. Thank you for reading and have a nice day.

Once again

So it's been a while since i have posted on here, mainly because i have been exceedingly busy with school and everything. I feel now that we are approaching the end of the term, and Christmas, I should have a bit of a mind dump into my blog. What do I think about my program so far? It's OK, maybe not as fun as physics but a good little detour on the way to my ultimate goal. I have learned a lot about operating systems and not so much about networking, since learning networking is like trying to learn math, drunk and stoned, and in Arabic. Yeah it's way harder than physics if you can believe that. Of course for the laymen I am not sure, since everyone says they hate physics and that it is difficult, when on my end, I find it relaxing and enjoyable.

I am supposed to be writing a paper for a friend on sugar glass, but i will get to that later seeing as my sleep schedule is fucked to the point of me going to bed at 4am every night, I plan to change that during the break and when I come back I will be ready to wake up early and kick some calculus ass.. and whatever else courses i have.. likely networking since I will probably fail. The funny thing is that it is pointless for people in general to ask how things are going because a sensible person will ALWAYS reply with good. It is just a waste of everyone's time if they say bad because not only is it depressing for everyone but it also requires an explanation.

Somehow this leads to the topic of my name. I cannot believe that I actually was successful in getting everyone to call me Elijah. It isn't a bad thing or even a sneaky or malicious thing. I am quite glad of this since now it gives me more incentive to get rid of my ridiculous original name for good. Another topic change leads me to the fact that I am still a scientist at heart. I should have started taking notes on the small social experiments I have been running since I have been here. Some people don't talk to me anymore but that is a common side effect. One instance gave me a scare when they said they would send half of Toronto's goons to come hurt me, but then i realized how ridiculous this proposal would be, being that the reason for her doing this is because I don't like her "in that way" sort of a childish response on her part, but i will not hold it against her. I am a scientist, not a person who holds grudges. A scientist learns from foul experiences such as these, and gathers data as for future reference.

Now I come to the matter at hand. A recent science experiment that I should have run long ago. It concerns my own mind. As we have seen in previous studies run and published in the past, one can change a persons memory to something completely different than reality, and have that person actually believe what they "remember". Well it is due time i try this on myself. It has been too long that I have had these thoughts floating up in my mind, distracting me from the pressing tasks of my day. No longer. I have decided to try and alter my memory so as to change these thoughts into undesirable thoughts that my mind will discard rather than harp upon. How will I do this? I plan on, every time I think of this particular "thing(we will call it)" I will immediately think of something either inanimate, or foul. This may have the effect over time, of changing the object in memory completely to this other thing that I think of, making the once important object into something inanimate. It will then become unnecessary and not distracting to me.

I am quite excited about this experiment and there is only one thing that can hinder it. When I go back home and see this "thing". Therefore.. I will avoid it at all costs. Speaking of which, home will be quite interesting to return to. There are less things that I am looking forward to, than things that I am not. Things looking forward to include my kitty, certain friends, and a few family members. The rest will just bring back foul memories. What I plan on doing is spending a lot of time in the places that gave me good memories. Places like the University, where I would sit studying physics for 8 hours. The church situation is what concerns me the most. I do not go to church anymore, nor did I ever believe in it in the first place. My dad will ask me to go and I will either start a feud or just go along with it. I have learned a lot in college, and one major thing is to stand up for what I believe, and most importantly to not waste my time on things that do not matter to me. Therefore I do not know what will happen, all i know is that I will not like this month as much as my time spent in Ottawa and I will be glad to be back, and to NOT return home for summer.

Thank you for reading my mind dumb. I will give another update of myself soon enough.

very nervous

48 hours.. so close yet so far.. sitting listening to "mad world" and trying to calm myself.. I can't. 48 hours and I will be put in a whole new world in which i am a stranger. But will it be much different than the one i am in right now? Here I also feal like somewhat of a stranger. I am not really close to anyone emotionally anymore.. so why should i be nervous to be put into a new group of people who at least may give me a fresh start? I have no clue. The song changes to 1979 by the smashing pumpkins.

Nervousness

Getting increasingly nervous as the days go by. Only 3 days left in guelph. In a way I am really happy to leave.. in a lot of ways actually.. in fact my whole entire being and every part of me is ready to get the fuck out of guelph. So why would i be nervous as the time approaches in which i get to leave this place? It hasto do with uncertainty. I am uncertain of pretty much everything that will happen as i enter the campus of my school on saturday. I can anticipate what the drive will be like easily enough, but when it comes to what happens next, I am clueless. I ofcourse invision the worst case scenario. Awkwardness and frustration with parents as i move in, and then of course not fitting in with the people in res afterwards. It seems plausible. It is almost certain that my parents will make the move in portion a complete nightmare, and my looks and awkwardness toward people i don't know will take care of the ladder part. So basically I am screwed, and my nervousness grows as the days go on.. can't wait.

Random thoughts August 30th 2009

It's been a long time since my last blog post and a whole lot has changed.. I have no clue where to begin. Guess I will start off by saying I leave guelph in exactly 6 days! Woots! finally getting out! Funny how I refer to it as if i am in a prison but you cannot honestly expect me to think differently. The summer has been definitely a roller coaster. Not sure if i want to just spill the entire contents of it to the entire internet but lets just say i built some new relationships and probably ruined a few aswell.
Speaking in a scientific fashion, I would describe my summer as a sin curve. Kinda started off at the bottom then, then a rapid inclination, peek, and then by this point it has pretty much come back to the state at which it started. Definitely the busiest and most active summer of my life. Every summer up until now has been: video games.. cabin.. video games, tv... camping.. videogames, tv.. off to school! very exciting indeed, but what do you expect when you have no one else there to make it interesting. That is presicely why this summer was so different. I learned this summer, that hanging out with the right people can actually make life fun. Then again dealing with the after math of socializing reminds me once more of why I hated socializing in the first place, hence the end of the sin curve, being right back where i started only the time has changed.
I did hit the big one nine, on july 24th, went out and got hammered at the bars for the first time, it was fun but i am not sure if it is something i would like to repeat. In fact the funniest thing about it, is that now that I am 19 and able to drink all that i want, the desire to do so has completely diminished. I had a friend who asked if i wanted to go get smashed and all i could think about was the fact that i would lose control of my body and have a massive headache the next day. How is that fun at all? It does help when you are depressed though I gotta give it that.
So in 6 days I will venture to the city of Ottawa where I will live in the residence of Algonquin College. They were supposed to give me my roomate's info late july/early august.. still hasn't come.. Yeah i can tell they are really on the ball over there. So this is just great, I missed orientation and I don't even know who my roomate is. I hate not knowing shit that I really am gonna need to know! Anyways it should be an adventure however it turns out. I feal like I have a choice between two lives that i could live while there. On one hand, I could do what I had planned to do a while back, which is be completely anti-social and focus all of my time on my studies, or I could be very social and see how many new people, I can meat while also focussing a great deal of time to my studies. Not a difficult choice for most people. But for me it is. Do i really want to concern myself with all the social pressures that I probably could easily avoid? If high school was any indecation, I am terrible at meating people, so it may just be a failure anyway.. so why try? I did i lot of socializing this summer, and by the end, it has become somehwat of a struggle. Do i want to deal with this type of stuff in college? I have always had a firm beleif that high school students are much different than people my ageor older, so that would probably sway me to think that I should try and put myself out there this year. After all, my skeptic group is full of people much older than me, and I get along with them much better than anyone. Then again, these are people that hold the exact same beliefs as myself. When it comes to my parents.. i dont get along with them.. anyways this is all very off topic, i dont even remember where i am. The point is, I will most likely try and meet people, all i haveto do is mimic this summer except try and maintain it rather than let it fall through for some unknown reason that i still havent figured out.
So, My trip to new york was fun this summer. Saw all of the beautiful and of course not so beautiful but still awesome parts of my wonderful city. I call it my city because I am obsessed with it, and it is mine! jk. I did have a bit of a head injury, slipped in the bath tub in my hotel room and hit my head on the sink. An inch lower and it would have hit my temple, which means i would have died or at best would be alive but probably would have lost the ability to type this. It's great though because it gives me an excuse for whenever i say something stupid.. no one ever believes the excuse but it works out well enough for a laugh.. ok maybe they dont laugh but i think its a good joke so whatever.
I plan to blog a lot while i am in college. Keep the internet, and friends who reads this, up to date on how well or shitty it is going.. hopefully it goes well.. it should but you never know. The roomate is the big concern at the moment. I just don't want it to be some jock.. of course I have come to learn that jocks are really only people that i want to stab when they are between the age of 14-18, usually after high school they are not complete assholes anymore.. most of them anyway.
Anyways I am running out of thoughts here so thanks for reading, if you were able to make it through that mess of words that I call random thoughts.

Random thoughts april 21st 2009

The library is quiet today. University term is over, so there are still some students here, but not all that many so it is nice. I've decided to go to school in Ottawa in the fall, so as to get away from the life I have here for a while. It's not that I hate my life at the moment, but there are some things that I would just like to get away from for a while, and also the fact that the program that I will be in there is a good one. So untill then, I shall still come and study at the library frequently, which is where I sit at the present time. The weekend was an adventure. I got very little sleep, so by the time sunday rolled around, I was not having a good weekend. I was sitting in my car, on sunday night, feeling really depressed(probably from the lack of sleep). So I started a bunch of text conversation with all of the people that I thought might offer conforting words that would make me feel less depressed. Apparently it worked because when I returned home, I was feeling better, and then watched celebrity apprentice and went to bed. That show btw it just getting worse and worse as time goes on, yet I am so addicted to reality TV that I just keep watching. Same with survivor, and amazing race, and american idol. It is the fact that I have watched almost every season of these shows that I just keep on watching. While I am on the topic of TV, the new House M.D. episodes are getting better and better *spoiler alert* kutner dying was not something that I perticularly liked, but it was much better than if they somehow tried to replace him with another actor, it just wouldn't have worked. My friend Brooklynn introduced me to House. Is it just me? or is Brooklynn like the coolest name ever. I would be like the happiest person ever if I was named brooklynn, I could be living in poverty and be facing death everyday for my whole life, but if my name was brooklynn while I experience those things, I would be fine with it. Me on the other hand, am stuck with Peter.. which is OK but I think I would name someone... something different than Peter. Something like Elijah, or Benjamen, or Jacob, or Albert. These are anmes with some substance. Maybe later in life I'll change my name, that would be fun. Anyways I think 'll end this here, and continue writing my science fiction novel.